View from a Pond
by 2muchofagoodthing
Summary: Chapter 3. Payback Time! Three denizens of the deep decide that “too much is too much” at a certain Minnesota pond. SamJack implied.
1. Chapter 1

**View from a Pond**

_Two denizens of the deep give a fish-eye view of the goings-on in and around a certain Minnesota lake. Pure silliness. Jack/Sam, kind of..._

"I tell you, it's the real deal, George."

"Not plastic or anything fake?"

"Nope. Looks like the real thing, smells like the real thing, _is_ the real thing, I'll bet."

"So you gonna take a chance, Stanley?"

"I was thinkin', yup. Done it before. You just gotta approach it from the back, away from the barb. You don't wanna pull too hard or they'll notice it and yank the line. Good way to get stuck in the side with a #6."

"Hey, Stanley, he's putting the fish pole down. I think...yeah...they've left. _Go for it_! Next one's mine, don't forget."

"Sure, George. Ummm, good stuff. Wow, _you see smoke like I see smoke_? What we got here, a _forest fire_?"

"Don't think so, Stanley. Think it's what they call a regular Bar-B-Que. Lenny told me about 'em. He gets caught so much that he ends up spendin' a lot of time out of water. Learns _all kinds_ of stuff that way. So what was I sayin' again? Oh, yeah, they take a chunk of meat or fish..."

"Fish, George? Like, someone we _know_?"

"Nah. No one in this lake's that big, 'cept Wilbur, down at the drain-off."

"You think it's _him_, George?"

"Nope. Got to have a boat to fish down there. You see any boat here?"

"Uh-uh."

"Okay, then. _Hey, hey_, what we got here? They're _kissin_'!"

"What's 'kissin'?"

"Well, they put their mouths together and then they..."

"Hey, George, you're grossin' me out, here. Yecchhh. Don't they care about germs?"

"Don't know, Stanley, don't know. But I'm tellin' ya...some fish kiss."

"No way, Jose!"

"Yup. Mildred spent a couple months in an aquarium, 'til she got too big and they brought her back, and she said there's fish called _kissing gouramis_."

"But they're _tropicals!_ Whattaya expect from tropicals? I mean, _guppies_ are tropicals and they eat their own _babies_!

"True, true. They give us cold-waters a bad name, for sure."

"_Now they're doin' something else_!"

"Stanley, you really think you oughta be watchin'?"

"George, I know about these things already, okay? After all, _I've spawned_!"

"_Go on_! Who's the lucky fish?"

"Agnes, down in the swamp. See, first we played a little hide-and-seek in the pickerel weed, and then we met up under the floating pond lily roots..."

"Stanley, you ever heard the phrase 'too much information?'"

"Okay, _okay_, I get the message. Just wanted to let you know that I've been around the pond a few times, if you know what I mean, George."

"Yeah, yeah, I know. So...this Agnes got a sister?"

"Uh-huh, lots. You askin' now, for next spring?"

"Might as well get all my ducks in a row, Stanley."

"George, _please_ don't do that to me. You know how I hate inter-species sayings. I just can't figure them out."

"Oh, yeah, right. Forgot for a minute. Sorry. _Hey, hey, hey_! Will you look at _that_, Stanley! _Whew_! Okay...well...changin' the subject, I seen a whole lot of mosquitoes down in the bay, plenty for both of us. Whattaya say?"

"Good idea there, George. Won't be any more fishin' done around _here_ for a while, that's for sure. Shall we?"


	2. Chapter 2

**Stanley's Very Bad, Really Awful, Never-Want-to-Have-It Happen Again Day**

_More goings-on at a certain Minnesota pond_

"_What the_...? Oh, it's you, Stanley. _Slow down_! Whatsamatter?"

"George...I just come from...from the swamp...Big Benny...gotta catch my breath..."

"I'll say, Stanley. Just look at those gills go! _Take it easy_! Okay...that's better, now. Why'd you even go down there? You _know_ it's _Big Benny's_ turf!"

"Agnes, George. Wanted to see the ol' girl again. Hang out and catch us some dragonflies."

"Yeah, so...what?"

"Well, Benny comes along, see, and gives me a hard time. He's a _big _sucker! I tried to get away, but he backed me into Turtle Rock and then...and then..."

"Yeah?"

"Well, he says he'd let me go _one_ condition. I gotta go back once a month, the day after the full moon, and pick parasites off him."

"Tough break, Stanley. But you know, you could've been _history_. Let's just take us a little swim and forget about it, okay?"

"Yeah...think I've had enough excitement for one day. Hey, look, George, we got some clouds comin' in. Gettin' some shadows, here."

"That's no cloud, Stanley, it's a kingfisher! _Quick!_ _Zig! Zag!_ _Now dive_, _Stanley,_ _dive_!

"_Ugh_! _Ow!_ GGGGGGEEEEEOOOrrrrrrrrggggggggeeeeeeee..."

"Stanley! _STANLEY_! Oh, poor, poor Stanley! He's gone, old buddy, old pal."

_SPLASH_!

"_Stanley_? That you?"

Yeah...yeah, it's me again, George.

"_Sheesh_, how'd you do that? You must've put up quite the fight! I thought you were a gonner, for sure!"

"I...I let go on him, George. Scared it right out of me."

"You mean... naw...you _didn't_!...you _did_?...AH HA HA HA HA HA HA! The crappie did a crappy! AH HA HA HA..."

"It's not funny, George. I much prefer the word sunfish, and you know that. You're talkin' bad as a _large-mouth_ _bass_, now!

"Oh...ha...yeah...okay...whew! Hey, _don't pout_, Stan. Pull your lips outta shape. It's just that..."

"And don't say nothin' to the guys, either, or I'll _never_ hear the end of it!"

"Okay, buddy, don't worry. I'm the very _soul_ of discretion."

"Hope so. Hey, let's go get us some of those juicy worms over at the cabin, George. I could _use_ something like that right about now."

"Sure, Stanley. Hey, how 'bout some fish jokes on the way over?"

"_Again_, George? Aw, go ahead. You're gonna tell 'em anyway."

"Stanley, got me some salt-water fish tunes this time. You ever hear "In Your Oyster Bonnet, With All the Gills Upon it?"

"Aaaaah, that's sick, George."

"Yeah? How about this one, "Who Let the Cods Out?"

"Oh, _brother!"_

"Okay, try this. "What's It All About, Algae?"

"Okay, _okay_. Enough, George. Here we are, already."

"Hmmmm, regular smorgasbord today, huh Stanley? Which to choose? Three juicy ones!"

"Hey, George! A minnow! A _real shiny_ one! Oh, wow! _I got dibbs_!"

"Stanley, _NO_! It's _NOT_ a minnow! It's a..."

"EEEEEEEEEEEOOOOOOOOWWWWWWWWWwwwwwwwwwwww!!!!!!!!!!"

"O'Neill, as you can see, you were mistaken. There are indeed fish in this pond."


	3. Chapter 3

**View from a Pond**

_Chapter 3 – Payback Time! Three denizens of the deep decide that "too much is too much" at a certain Minnesota pond._

"Hey, George, gettin' to be about that time."

"Yup, twilight, time for the 'skeeters to come out. Yum!"

"And minnows, George. Don't forget the minnows."

"Yeah, over at the cabin. You game, Stanley? Let's go!"

oooooooooooooooooooooooooo

"Hey, hey, George, what's all the roiling water, here? What we got, a passel of muskrats?

"Don't think so, Stanley. I think it's...yeah... those two, swimmin'."

"Like, we swim?"

"Not quite, Stan. Actually, they're mostly standin' there, now."

"Goin' topside, George, to take a look myself...yup, it's them, George. Got a candle goin' on the bank, too."

"One of them citronellas, I'll bet. So...the minnows scared away, no 'skeeters, either."

"Guess we'll have to move on, huh, George? ... George?"

"Stanley, I'm thinkin' s'bout time we taught these guys a lesson. Our turf, right?"

"Right, George. But..."

"The way I see it, they're trespassing. We gotta give 'em the message, loud and clear."

"Like how, George?"

"Like, sweep some eelgrass 'cross their skin – give 'em the heebie jeebies. Then they leave."

"Hey, good idea, George."

(They make a quick foray to gather vegetation.)

"Mmmmphhh, gowta lowta hit in my mouf."

(George nods, his mouth full as well.) "Leph go!"

oooooooooooooooooooooooooooo

"Success, George?"

(George, returning from taking a look topside.) "Naw, not much. Heard her say something 'bout how 'sensuous' the water is, whatever that means."

"Guess it means she wasn't much scared."

"Yeah. I guess. You know, we gotta think of somethin' better. Let's see, now..._leg hairs_!"

"_Leg hairs_, George?"

"Gonna pull some leg hairs. _That oughta do it_!"

ooooooooooooooooooooooooooo

"You okay, George?"

"Whew! Just barely, Stan, just barely. Took me a big mouthful, an' he started dancing all over the place, slapping the water and stuff! Almost stepped on me!"

"Ew, close call, George. They leavin' now?"

(George going topside again.) "Nope. Back at it again, starin' googly-eyed and doin' that kissin' stuff. Dang!"

"George, ya think it's time to get Pete to help out a little?"

"Uh-uh, Stan. We don't deal that low. No crayfish."

"Aw, George, don't be so bullheaded. Desperate times call for desperate stuff, you always say!"

"_Okay_, Stanley, _okay_. _**Pete! Pete the Pincher**_!"

(Pete appears from the nearby embankment.) "You talkin' to _me_, fishface?"

(Both George and Stanley recoil, scared. George speaks.) "Uh, yeah. We're askin' for a little favor...please."

"Favors I _don't_ do. Contracts I _do_." (Pete rolls his eyeballs around a bit.) "So...what's in it for me?"

(George, gulping.) "We need you to give a little pinch to one of those people, there, 'n scare them the heck outta here!"

"Like I _said_, _what's in it for me_?" (Starts to blow bubbles, a sign of bad temper in a crayfish.)

(George, thinking fast.) "Well, see, Pete, we wuz thinkin', me n' Stan here, that there's no love lost between you and _them_..."

"You got _that_ right, turtlehead. He keeps moving my rocks around, let's my 'stash' float away."

"Yeah, so, we were thinkin', like, Pete the Pincher, _he's_ our man. If _he_ can't do it, _no one_ can!"

"Rah, rah, sis boom bah!" adds Stan, then, embarrassed, retreats a little.

"So, whataya say, Pete?" asks George, hopefully.

(Pete, thinking, waves his feelers around.) "I'll do it. Get him right in the _ga-zowee-danga!_"

"Ga-zowee-danga?" repeat George and Stanley, in unision.

"Yeah," said Pete, waving his feelers and smirking. "Right in the..." George and Stanley flip backward, barely escaping a claw... "_elbow!_ Heh, heh, heh."

(George speaking, greatly relieved.) "Gee, thanks, Pete, thanks a lot. Like, anytime you need a favor, just ask us, me and Stan."

"Yeah, yeah, whatever. Just watch a pro at work, frogface. Keep outta my way, though."

ooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo

"George, what's goin' on?"

(George, quickly returning from topside.) "A whole lot, Stan, a whole lot!"

"George, if fish could grin, I'd say you're doin' it!"

"All heck is breaking loose! All kinds of thrashing about, shoutin' an'...I'm tellin' you, it worked! It worked!

"What's he yellin,' George? I know he's yellin', but I can't quite make out..."

"Sounds like '_Son of a perch_!' to me, Stan."

(Stan, indignant.) "Whatever's happenin', serves 'em right, swearing like that!"

"They're both leavin'! _We did it, we did it, Stan_!"

"Us n' Pete, George, don't forget Pete."

"Right you are, ol' buddy, ol' pal. Just one thing left to do..." (George flips himself up onto the embankment, over to the still-burning candle, then snuffs it out with his wet side. Flips back into the water.) "Okay, nada left to do. Mission accomplished!"

(They slowly swim away.) "Believe it or not, George, what with all the excitement, I'm not even hungry anymore."

"Yeah, I know what ya mean, Stan."

"Ya know, George, there's just one thing that has me a little puzzled about tonight."

"Yeah, Stanley?"

"Why a little nip on an elbow would hurt that much!"


End file.
